It has been a while I have not posted something about coaching that is so closely connected to my core ability. Perhaps is right time for me to share it out from my mentor/teacher, Dr.L Michael Hall. He always said…..
“It is only a matter of time!” I remembered a while ago in a event of Coaching Mastery at Guangzhou, China. But not only there. I believed it in many places too. Maybe, everywhere! And there’s a reason— participants often come to the Coaching Boot Camp for training and what they mostly want, or at least what dominates their consciousness, is “to get certified”
Yet here is the paradox—the very frame of mind of focusing on something external like the certificate, that mindset itself undermines a person’s ability to do his or her best and to succeed in reaching the benchmarks. So the solution to this problem strikes most people as sounding contradictory: Forget getting the certificate; forget the scores you get on the benchmarks instead focus on your client, be fully present, listen, really listen and you will be much more likely to succeed.
Forget to succeed!?
What this mantra “It is only a matter of time” means is this: If you are committed to yourself, to your learning and development, and if you are willing to be persistent, if you are willing to be resilient and not sell yourself short— you will eventually succeed. It is just a matter of time. Conversely, if you get yourself tied up with self-judgment, self-accusation, self-doubt and other ways of focusing on yourself (instead of your client), then you make it much more difficult to succeed.
So what make strike you become paradoxical and contradictory at first, when you examine the structure of these two experiences— the paradox vanishes away. From what I understand most coaching skills depends upon being present to your client— listening, really listening, calibrating, receiving feedback in a hundred modes, questioning, etc. But when you are worried about your score— who are you focusing on? Who are you paying attention to? Who are you present to? You know the answer better!
“It’s just a matter of timer” encourages you to just keep at it. Just keep learning, finding out what doesn’t work, and what you need to unlearn and eliminate as interferences. Keep refining your attention and understanding so that you become more skilled and competent in the coaching skills. Just keep attending your chapter for the practice groups. Just keep doing all of the things that you learned in Coaching Mastery.
Still Discouraged? Need some inspiration? Then click on this link. Here is a tremendous picture of not giving up. Watch little Hollie Steel in the TV show and competition, Britains Got Talent, which occurred in 2009. Now you don’t need to whine or cry or sniffle … that’s not the point. What is the point? Pull yourself together and get into the right state and then do it!
Now was that powerful or what?! And if a little girl of 10 years old can pull herself together, and succeed in her second attempt at singing like that, what is stopping you from keeping at a visionary goal that you have for yourself?
As an extra, listen to Simon coach? “Everyone gets nervous.” he says. “You are now officially the bravest girl in the world!”
In NLP and in Neuro-Semantics, we say that there is no failure, only feedback. And if there is feedback, then there is information that enables us to learn, to refine, to set up a deliberate practice that will improve our performances. That’s the secret of success— living the principle that there is no failure. And when you live that, then you can’t fail. That could be really hard on you.
For everyone who is still working on integrating the coaching skills to reach benchmark criteria, just keep at it. It’s just a matter of time. Mastery never happens in a moment, in a week, nor even in a year. Mastery involves lots of deliberate practice, lots of trial-and-error learnings, lots of incorporating a learning so that you embody it in your way of being in the world.
Therefore, heel To your Resilient Commitment to Yourself!